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Yours Footbally

Dear Ibrahimovic,

Permit me to start this letter your way, – Ediale sends his greetings from Jersey Number Twelve ‘s desk.  You’ve been quite an interesting figure. Perhaps the reason for the sensations in my fingers as Ediale writes to you.  Ediale thinks you are the most interesting character in the history of soccer – You are theatrical in every aspect. How ...

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Dear Bakayoko,

It’s loads of love and prayers from Jersey Number Twelve headquarters. You need some quality prayer session at the moment. So you don’t end up going back to your starting point. That’s £33 million backward. Yeah, Tiémoué Bakayoko , when Chelsea offered to pay that £40 million tag price on you, they made Monaco a £33 million profit. You have ...

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Dear Ronaldo,

Seven gunshots salute to you from us at Jersey Number Twelve headquarters. Your fans are truly elated to the skies and back. They are glad they have you as their hero. I dare say it’s true. You’ve been nothing short of a mix of miracle and magic. You are alien number 001. The best there is. At the moment you ...

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Dear Messi,

Thunderous greetings from Jersey Number Twelve headquarters. We are all Messimists here because you inspire us to be the Messi of our fields. I would have sent you this letter earlier than this. But how do I communicate to an ecclesiastic celestial with the words of worldly beings? For though you honor humans of the terrestrial with your soccer gift, ...

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Dear Deji Tinubu,

Good night, good bye. However sad your departure may appear, we find great solace in the simple fact that your 90 mins was well spent. Like every good game, we wish you had extra time to spend with us. I write from Jersey Number Twelve​ headquarters. We know nothing, that’s why we feel terrible as you exit. If only we ...

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Dear Ronaldo

  Seven gunshots salute to you from us at Jersey Number Twelve headquarters. Your fans are truly elated to the skies and back. They are glad they have you as their hero. I dare say it’s true. You’ve been nothing short of a mix of miracle and magic. You are alien number 001. The best there is. At the moment ...

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Letter 13: Dear KDB

Dear KDB, It’s nothing but complements from all of us at Jersey Number Twelve headquarters. Truly nothing but genuine pleasantries from me. You are the player after my heart for your brains, skills and humble character — the way we like them at Barca. You are a mini Messi, a villainous Xavi, a monstrous Iniesta and the best of all ...

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Dear Harry, I am writing you from Jersey Number Twelve headquarters. Forgive me for starting this the Lasisi Elenu way, ‘Something just happened right now…I heard you are not giving the Real Madrid’s deal any serious attention because you love Tottenham for it’s your boyhood club’. Are you Maaaaad? is it your father’s club? Why the hell are you taking ...

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Dear Coutinho, never behave like the English boys

Dear Coutinho, Welcome to the club of clubs. The journey to acquire you has been quite a rugged but focused one. We’d wanted you, wanted you some more, lost hope, then wanted you again, then switched desire for others, then back to you again. Yeah, we told ourselves, ‘if we can’t get you, let’s get Mahrez or Dybala’. We needed ...

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Dear Klopp, Go back to my letter

  Dear Klopp,   You finally got yourself a VVD. Well done. Even for £75m it’s cool. Although a world record deal, Virgil van Dijk will help you keep a solid defense. This move shows you have been reading the letters. Please, on the Coutinho matter…kindly go read my last letter some more…  In case you lost the letter already, I ...

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