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Yours Footbally

Dear Ronaldo

  Seven gunshots salute to you from us at Jersey Number Twelve headquarters. Your fans are truly elated to the skies and back. They are glad they have you as their hero. I dare say it’s true. You’ve been nothing short of a mix of miracle and magic. You are alien number 001. The best there is. At the moment ...

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Letter 13: Dear KDB

Dear KDB, It’s nothing but complements from all of us at Jersey Number Twelve headquarters. Truly nothing but genuine pleasantries from me. You are the player after my heart for your brains, skills and humble character — the way we like them at Barca. You are a mini Messi, a villainous Xavi, a monstrous Iniesta and the best of all ...

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Dear Harry, I am writing you from Jersey Number Twelve headquarters. Forgive me for starting this the Lasisi Elenu way, ‘Something just happened right now…I heard you are not giving the Real Madrid’s deal any serious attention because you love Tottenham for it’s your boyhood club’. Are you Maaaaad? is it your father’s club? Why the hell are you taking ...

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Dear Coutinho, never behave like the English boys

Dear Coutinho, Welcome to the club of clubs. The journey to acquire you has been quite a rugged but focused one. We’d wanted you, wanted you some more, lost hope, then wanted you again, then switched desire for others, then back to you again. Yeah, we told ourselves, ‘if we can’t get you, let’s get Mahrez or Dybala’. We needed ...

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Dear Klopp, Go back to my letter

  Dear Klopp,   You finally got yourself a VVD. Well done. Even for £75m it’s cool. Although a world record deal, Virgil van Dijk will help you keep a solid defense. This move shows you have been reading the letters. Please, on the Coutinho matter…kindly go read my last letter some more…  In case you lost the letter already, I ...

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Dear Chukwuemeka, Hope you got the Christmas 3

Dear Meka Kema, This is my second letter to you. You don’t seem to like replying my messages. Anyways, I hope you got my Christmas tree, or three. YoursFootbally, Ediale     Here is a letter I sent to you the day Tottenham attempted to be Barcelona:   Dear Meka Kema, Hope you didn’t join Perez, Roberto Carlos and Raul ...

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Dear Kelechi, Greetings from your village

Dear Kelechi, Iheanachor what’s the matter? You have moved from Majorster City to the Lesster City yet no improvement. Don’t say it’s your village people. Because I am writing this letter from your village. They said they have nothing on you. In fact, they said they are fed up with the regular accusations. They aren’t happy that whenever anybody from ...

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Dear Pep, take up a dance class

Dear Pep, Take it easy. You and I know you could have ended the game with only 2 goals. Or 3 goals. Your quick meeting with Domènec Torrent at the touch line after the 3rd goal had me guessing. First guess: You were telling the Spaniard how lovely it is to punish Pochettino for ever voicing his preference to coach ...

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Dear Mourinho, Slap Somebody

Dear Mourinho, I am writing you from my bed, just after predicting your team won’t score in the Manchester derby (aptly speaking, the MouPep Clasico). It’s not a bad time to be ProPep, and certainly not the best time to be AntiJose. And that’s why I’m sending you a letter. You have to reinvent the mind games and give us ...

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Dear Man United fans, Don’t Be Bad Losers

Dear Man United Fans, Pep is not your coach’s mate. It’s just another win for him. He said it before the match that winning Mourinho won’t be any special. The boss won tonight. He’s having a ball and being unstoppable. Don’t tell me he is winning because he spent more in the transfer window. That’s how some people  under the ...

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