Home 6 Yours Footbally 6 Dear Klopp, Go back to my letter

Dear Klopp, Go back to my letter

 

Dear Klopp,

 

You finally got yourself a VVD. Well done. Even for £75m it’s cool. Although a world record deal, Virgil van Dijk will help you keep a solid defense. This move shows you have been reading the letters. Please, on the Coutinho matter…kindly go read my last letter some more… 

In case you lost the letter already, I have attached it below. Do the needful, thanks.

YoursFootbally,

Ediale

 

Note: read other letter below, send us (Barca) Coutinho.

 

 

Dear Klopp,

How are you? Sorry that’s a bit rhetorical. I ought to know how you feel. The typical feeling of a manager after a 4-1 bashing can’t be any good. Unless you are a Tata Moutinho.
You may end up like Barca’s Tata. Until you understand that no one wins anything solid by being consistent in conceding.
Tell me in what statistics or facts, is Coutinho any better to Liverpool this season. Is Mane not still the most valuable player of that side?
Well, come this January opening. We will come again for our man in your squad. You’d do everyone good by releasing him.
We’d come with good money. And one certain Andre Gomez. Even if you don’t need him, let him just beautify your bench. Use him for EFL and other smaller tournaments.
With our money, you can still get a solid defender. Leave VVD if they don’t play ball to your deal, go for Leon Balogun and Seun Mohammed. You don’t know about them? Well, what do you know? Take a cab to Stanford Bridge, maybe during training, have a sit-and-chat meeting with Victor Moses.
He knows them, they are his Nigerian brothers and are going to the World Cup. Yeah…they qualified. You’ll surely like them. If you like Mane for his strength and brillance, you will love Seun. Leon Balogun plays in Germany and is half German. You won’t have problem communicating your defensive plans to him.
Matip is old, national-team-retired, and is from Cameroon. His French is far better than his English. Now, I know you are also managing your English. So get Leon, speak German!
And save yourself from the brewing mess. Don’t ever think you will be sacked, so Bayern Munich can poach you. The Liverpool board strong enough to listen to you and keep Coutinho from the calling claws of Barca will keep you from Bayern.
If Bayern settles with a Luis Enrique or a Diego Simone as a future coach. Then Liverpool can release you to Newcastle.
So to avoid all these sad tales, do the right thing. Who knows? Do us this good…Barca can come for you in the future.
We like your beards, you may just need to improve your dress sense. At Barca we don’t encourage our managers to wear face caps. We want those Real Madrid players to see your face and well.
Another thing I like about you is the way you shout. But we must warn you, you only shout against those referees and opponents. You may lose your voice or job if you shout on players like Messi. If you doubt me ask Luis Enrique or travel to Etihad and ask Pep. Forget all those Sabbatical excuse. Shouting at Messi means Sabbatical in Barca.
Well I have said more than enough. I don’t usually write this lengthy. But getting Coutinho means too much to us.
#YoursFootbally
Ediale

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About Ediale Kingsley

Ediale Kingsley is the Founding Editor of Jersey Number Twelve and Head of the Trends & Sports desk at National Daily Newspaper. He thinks he is polygamous, married to three wives; Football, Laptop and Internet. When not writing, he is writing or prepping to write. These days he is everywhere talking, filming and showing-up football and films. This National Daily trained journalist went to school to be a graduate in accounting.

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