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Dear Bilic: I had a gossip session with Andre Ayew

Dear Bilic,

Slaven Bilic, my man. What’s up? You know you are my man, right? Well if everyone forsake you just because you lost the West Ham job, ordinary West Ham job, just know I am a man that won’t reject you.


You no try shaaaa! (Yeah, use Google Pidgin English translator for this one).

How could you undermind your team’s Fitness? You wanted Miljenko Rak, your long-term fitness coach and friend, to be the main fitness coach. And you know last season Rak celebrated his 70th birthday openly. Inviting all the club owners.

That is when the club’s directors started thinking you indulge in a unique kind of weed. Baba 70? Fitness coach? No wonder! They even offered you a younger fitness man to assist Baba, you said NO!

I  had a gossip session with my African brother, Andre Ayew. He told me how you called himself and other members of West Ham’s squad to ask them where you went wrong as their boss. My guy that shit almost made him cry.

Well since you asked…your over reliance on Manuel Lanzini’s invention, pulling out of a move for N’Golo Kante in 2015, and for Kelechi Iheanacho this summer when your club desperately needed a striker. And you were the one that prioritised the signings of Gokhan Tore from Besiktas on loan and then Marko Arnautovic this summer. Then you allowed Simone Zaza go, see what the Italian is doing in La Liga now. These are part of the reasons they fired you. Left for the boys, they will love to have you as their coach for life.

Even though the same reason they would, will also be the reasons for their downfall as players. As in, you allowed them come to training with their kids, and the fact that you made it okay for them to come late…was legendary.

You no try o, at all (yeah, another pidgin).

By the time David Sullivan was publicly undermining you this summer over the failure to sign Renato Sanches or Grzegorz Krychowiak, as part of the ludicrous William Carvalho saga, the writing was on the wall.

And that’s how you got sacked. Your Croatian brother, Ivan Rakitic, sends his love. Yeah we chilling at Nou Camp. That’s how we roll. And no, there’s no vacancy here. But I attend MFM Church back in Nigeria. I’ll put in a word for you.

The General Overseer is showing commitment to his NPF League club, MFM FC. Just behave yourself and take the job. Don’t go being proud and thinking about Africa’s mosquitoes. Go to Africa and rebrand yourself. Its your second chance, make it count.

























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About Ediale Kingsley

Ediale Kingsley is the Founding Editor of Jersey Number Twelve and Head of the Trends & Sports desk at National Daily Newspaper. He thinks he is polygamous, married to three wives; Football, Laptop and Internet. When not writing, he is writing or prepping to write. These days he is everywhere talking, filming and showing-up football and films. This National Daily trained journalist went to school to be a graduate in accounting.

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